At some point in time someone may feel that the people in their life have let them down however I would like to suggest to those people that you might also take into consideration that maybe it’s because their arms have grown weary from holding you up for so long.
Have you seen this exercise for developing trust? They’ll have one person in the group turn their back and fall backwards trusting that one or all of the group participants will catch them.
Well that’s all well and good the first couple of times but if you keep falling on me my little ass is going to get tired and you going to hit the floor. Sorry but hey.
Many people don't want to take ownership of their situations so they project them onto others.
It's true we can sometimes become so self involved with situations and circumstances that we will often place the burden of dealing with them on others.
Take for example your work place. How many times have you felt that a coworker or supervisor was placing more and more of their responsibilities on you? Let’s use another example.
Let’s say a co-worker is constantly complaining about work related issues like job policies, a manager or one of your other co-workers. After you’ve listened to this over and over and thinking that you were trying to be supportive, it has now become so overwhelming you become disenchanted.
Your attitude changes.
You no longer have the stomach to listen or tolerate this behavior any longer so you begin to distance yourself from that person. You just want them to shut the F up.
Change in the air
You begin to dread going to work it has become a place where you just want to survive the next eight hours by hoping to avoid the person and go home.
And if that was not enough; now that you have changed tactics the person ( which just so happens to be your supervisor) that has caused this redirection of your spirit comes to you and says-
“I've noticed a difference in your work performance or attitude we need you to be more of a team player”.
“ I always thought we I could count on you but lately you seem to be letting me down.
Hold the hell up!
Really? Well while they may be very astute in their observation of a change in your behavior they are however missing the reason this has occurred. This might be what you are saying to them in your head: “You Mother F., You are the reason for the change in my work performance and attitude”.
Being a person of restraint this might be actually what is said to them:
“The that the fact of the matter is I have felt dragged down by your burdens and no longer wish to be your personal complaint box”.
Shifting the Blame
So just that we are clear. They surmise that since you have chosen to disassociate yourself from their unwillingness or inability to deal with their own issues you are now the issue.
In the case of the work place may I suggest you get to know your job policies and procedures handbook. It’s better known as the bible for the workplace. Read to them the policies on conduct and the makings of a productive work environment. Quote it like scripture. That should give them a quick attitude adjustment.
Part II:
The subject of not letting someone’s stress become your own does not escape family or friends. Sometimes they too can become so self involved that they don’t even realize that they are overwhelming your relationship with their inability or once again unwillingness to cope with or resolve their problems.
How many of you have gotten a call, looked at the number and thought to yourself “Oh no I can’t deal with this person right now”? (I can imagine many nodding their heads up and down).
Don’t feel guilty most of us can relate. It’s just that your relationship with that person has become so Toxic from the negativity that in order to maintain your personal mental stability you begin the process of drying up the well.
Unlike the work place there is no written set of rules to use as guidelines with friends and family.
This leaves you forced to use what might be harsh realities on personal situations.
Sometimes you just have to tell it like it is and let them know that they need to stop complaining and whining about things. You would like to tell them to get off their you know what and do something about it.
“You’re tired of hearing it”. (“Don’t forget to preference this with I love you but”)
Too harsh? Well try the subtle approach: “I understand that you are going through a lot but there is only so much I can do perhaps you should consider trying A or “B.
Is that better?
Woosah:
Take a deep breath and free yourself.
You see many people don't want to take ownership of their situations, (or drama if you prefer) so they project (toss, throw,fling) them onto others.
The most important thing is to take care of your feelings and make it clear that you have some boundaries.
Most people will understand but sometimes they need a little help in getting there.
Namaste
Written By: Larry D.Miller
